For the last month, I’ve been blogging through the latter half of “Chapter 13: Toward More Connection and Fulfillment” in my book, The Stories We Tell Ourselves. That section covers the Auxano Communication Approach©, a four-step process I devised as a practicing therapist to help my clients grow their relationships in a healthy manner. While […]
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Be Seen, Be Heard In Your Relationships
Broadly speaking, the Auxano Communication Approach© benefits people because it helps them establish and maintain healthy relationships through honest truth-seeking about a situation or a relationship. But this communication approach I suggest to all of my clients has more specific benefits too: 1. The Auxano Communication Approach© suspends defensive behavior. When you’re challenged to share […]
Listen to Learn. Speak to be Known.
One of my favorite quotes about listening comes from therapist Suzanne Wallace Kaufman: “Listen to learn. Speak to be known.” When you incorporate these short, memorable commands into your daily conversations, you may witness a world of change take place in your relationships. Listening to learn means: putting aside the stories you’ve told yourself about […]
How Large is Your Feeling Vocabulary?
Therapists often get a bad rap for seemingly always asking, “How does that make you feel?” While there’s certainly truth to that assumption, I believe counselors the world over ask that question so often because it’s rarely ever asked of adults in any other spheres of their lives. When’s the last time you were asked […]
Why Your Relationships Need a Sliver of Space
After listing the four-step Auxano Communication Approach© in Chapter 13 of The Stories We Tell Ourselves, I discuss a notion within relationships I’ve termed “the sliver of space.” Webster’s defines “sliver” as “a small and narrow portion.” In other words, you don’t need much, but you do need some. As I wrote in my book, […]
The Auxano Approach to Communication: Step 4
If you have yet to read the first three steps of the Auxano Communication Approach©, please take a moment and read my previous three posts. It’s important that each step is taken before advancing to the next. The last step toward better communication in your relationships is: Step 4: Seek more information. To most effectively […]
The Auxano Approach to Communication: Step 3
This week, we’ll continue and conclude the four-step Auxano Communication Approach©. As a reminder, the first two steps are: Step 1: Observe and talk about what you just noticed. Step 2: Invite the other person to hear the story you’re telling yourself. Today, we’ll look at possibly the hardest step that may demand the most […]
The Auxano Approach to Communication: Step 2
As the second part of a four-part series, it’s imperative that you read “The Auxano Communication Approach: Step 1” before reading any further. This approach to strengthening relationships is a four-step process that requires you to progress from one step to the next. Now, the second step of the Auxano Communication Approach© is to invite […]
The Auxano Approach to Communication: Step 1
Over the course of the next two weeks, I’ll share each step of the Auxano Communication Approach© in its own post. The entire approach is detailed in Chapter 13 of my book, The Stories We Tell Ourselves. In my previous post, “Your Spouse is Not Your Nemesis,” I discussed how important it is to the […]
Your Spouse is Not Your Nemesis
In my counseling practice, I use a particular psychological approach that helps married couples in conflict learn how to work together against a problem instead of either spouse seeing the other as the problem—even if only one spouse is the major problem within the relationship. To do this, I encourage my clients to learn how […]
