• Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer

Dr. R. Scott Gornto

  • About
  • Counseling
  • Speaking
  • Programs
  • Book
  • Blog
  • Work With Dr. Gornto

The Auxano Approach to Communication: Step 1

May 2, 2016 by Dr. R. Scott Gornto Leave a Comment

Over the course of the next two weeks, I’ll share each step of the Auxano Communication Approach© in its own post. The entire approach is detailed in Chapter 13 of my book, The Stories We Tell Ourselves.

In my previous post, “Your Spouse is Not Your Nemesis,” I discussed how important it is to the marriage relationship that each person approach the other as a human being and not as someone who’s “out to get you.” When conflict arises, it’s imperative to the health of the relationship that each person seek to be “nonjudgmentally inquisitive.”

In other words, each person needs to learn how to communicate better by asking the right questions of themselves and of their other half. This is not a shocking truth, but how we can go about learning to communicate better—in our marriages as well as in any relationships in our lives—is the point of the Auxano Communication Approach©.

The first step in this approach is to observe and talk about what you just noticed.

This means realizing you’ve likely fabricated stories in your mind about the other person or the troubling circumstances your relationship is facing. Some of what you’ve made up may turn out to be true, but there’s no way to know that for sure unless an honest, humble, and vulnerable conversation takes place.

But before turning to the other person, your first step is to attempt a benign, objective observation about the story you’ve been telling yourself. Does your story really mesh with the facts of the relationship’s problems? Or are you just filling in the blanks based on your feelings?

We’re all guilty of telling ourselves stories about other people on a constant basis. The first step in the Auxano Communication Approach© is to realize you’re doing so, then to assess what “facts” you actually need to corroborate with the other person—which leads to Step 2.

Filed Under: Blogs, Uncategorized Tagged With: communication, conflict, couples, humility, marriage, relationships, vulnerable

Reader Interactions

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Primary Sidebar

About Dr. R. Scott Gornto


Dr. R. Scott Gornto, PHD, MDIV, LMFT, EMDR holds a PHD in Individual, Marriage and Family Therapy. He is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, and a EMDR Trained Trauma Therapist, and has extensive training in the Behavioral Sciences and Personal Development. Dr. Gornto is in private practice and has been practicing in North Texas since 1999. He works with individuals, couples, adolescents (12 yrs old and up), families, groups, entrepreneurs/leaders and businesses from Plano, Frisco, McKinney, Allen, Prosper and Dallas and the surrounding areas. Dr. Gornto is the author of The Stories We Tell Ourselves™ and is a columnist for the Huffington Post and Psychology Today.

 

Learn More

Join the Community

You’ll receive inspiring articles, sound advice, and relevant resources to enhance your personal development and strengthen your relationships. Sign up today and receive the Introduction and Chapter 1 of Dr. Gornto's book: The Stories We Tell Ourselves.

We respect your privacy.

Recent Blog Posts

  • Humility in Marriage.
  • Addiction is a relationship.
  • Peace in our Internal World
  • What happens with our unprocessed trauma?
  • Giving Too Much Power Mentally To Things We Can’t Control

Footer

R. Scott Gornto Logo

Dr. R. Scott Gornto, PHD, MDIV, LMFT, EMDR holds a PhD in Psychotherapy, Psychology & Marriage and Family Therapy and is a trained psychotherapist, counselor and peek performance coach. He is a Licensed Psychotherapist (Individual, Marriage and Family), a EMDR Trained Trauma Therapist and has extensive training in the behavioral sciences and personal development. Dr. Gornto is in private practice and has been practicing in North Texas since 1999. He works with individuals, couples, adolescents (12 yrs old and up), families, groups, entrepreneurs/leaders and businesses from Plano, Frisco, McKinney, Allen, Prosper and Dallas and the surrounding areas. Dr. Gornto is the author of The Stories We Tell Ourselves™ and is a columnist for the Huffington Post and Psychology Today.

Learn More

Contact Dr. Gornto

  • 6101 Chapel Hill Blvd. Suite 200, Plano, TX 75093
  • (972) 312-8893
  • admin@auxanocounseling.com

Join the Community

You’ll receive inspiring articles, sound advice, and relevant resources to enhance your personal development and strengthen your relationships. Sign up today and receive the Introduction and Chapter 1 of Dr. Gornto’s book: The Stories We Tell Ourselves™.

Sign Up Now

Copyright © 2023 Dr. R. Scott Gornto • Website Managed by MRS Digital Media

↑ Back to Top