“I’m just . . . I don’t know. Frustrated.” I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve heard that expressed by my clients. That word—frustrated—reveals to me that they don’t know the real problem behind their problems. They’re frustrated because they want to see the circumstance or relationship change for the better but they don’t […]
In “The 90/10 Rule (Part 1),” I related that my dad would always tell me, “Life is ten percent what happens to you and ninety percent how you react to it.” I agree with that statement, and it’s helped me immensely as a husband, father, counselor, family member, and friend. But since beginning my practice […]
When I was growing up, my dad told me, “Life is ten percent what happens to you and ninety percent how you react to it.” What my dad was trying to tell me is that much of what happens to us in life is outside of my control, but the one thing I could control […]
In After the Fight, therapist Daniel B. Wile wrote, “Choosing a marriage partner is choosing a set of problems.” You don’t consciously think about this fact when you’re dating. You tend to see what you want to see. When your brain is flooded with intoxicating chemicals, your judgment can be clouded (about the other person), […]
In Chapter 10 of The Stories We Tell Ourselves, I wrote, “A spouse is a mirror who shows us characteristics of ourselves we would rather not see reflected back to us on a daily basis.” For instance, a wife may choose to react with an anger outburst, rather than talk calmly through conflict with her […]
Perhaps you’re thinking: “Just three, Scott?” Of course there are dozens more, but I believe these three central and often overlooked reasons are what most often cause stress in our relationships. 1. You can’t control other people. Try as you might—and an untold number of my clients do—you cannot control another person. You can manipulate, cajole, […]
When a butterfly flaps its wings in America, does a hurricane happen in Japan? You may have heard this example before. It’s known as the butterfly effect and is used to reveal how small changes can ultimately result in large effects. Your stress level suffers from the butterfly effect. Think about it. When you’re able […]
Sometimes, even the word itself can cause people stress. That word may bring to mind all the things in your life that are currently stressing you out: * How will I get my kids to all of their games this weekend? *How will we afford that vacation? *Did I return that call at the office? […]
Conflict is an inevitable part of any relationship. But what sets the great relationships apart from even the good relationships is the couple’s ability to handle conflict in a healthy manner. Essentially, this means that each couple understands that they’ve likely been telling themselves a made-up story about the other person that doesn’t reflect the […]
Last week, I wrote about how in life…shift happens. Life events, whether good or bad, can change your trajectory in a second. They can significantly alter your moods, heighten your anxiety, or even give you what you always wanted. Such shifts force you to change your perspective on the world around you. But what if […]
Dr. R. Scott Gornto, PHD, MDIV, LMFT, EMDR holds a PhD in Psychotherapy, Psychology & Marriage and Family Therapy and is a trained psychotherapist, counselor and peak performance coach. He is a Licensed Psychotherapist (Individual, Marriage and Family in Texas and Arizona), a EMDR Trained Trauma Therapist and has extensive training in the behavioral sciences and personal development. Dr. Gornto is in private practice and has been practicing in North Texas since 1999. He works with individuals, couples, adolescents (12 yrs old and up), families, groups, entrepreneurs/leaders and businesses from Plano, Frisco, McKinney, Allen, Prosper and Dallas and the surrounding areas. Dr. Gornto is the author of The Stories We Tell Ourselves™ and is a columnist for the Huffington Post and Psychology Today.