If relationships are often the key ingredient to anxiety in our lives, why should we even bother with pursuing them? Why should we worry ourselves about seeking to heal broken relationships? Wouldn’t it make more emotional sense to just distance ourselves from the other person? Wouldn’t that save everyone involved from more heartache and pain? […]
relationships
When You’re the Focus of Someone Else’s Story
Much of The Stories We Tell Ourselves focuses on you as an individual. I outline multiple ways for readers to stop telling themselves made-up stories based on inaccurate, faulty, hoped-for versions of reality. As I often remind my clients, the only thing you really have control over is yourself, so learning how to change yourself […]
What If You’re Right?
Few more smugly satisfying experiences in life exist than when you’re able to tell someone else, “I told you so.” If you’re humble enough to not say the words out loud, I’m sure you’ve likely thought them. Maybe you gave a knowing nod to the person about whom you were right. Maybe the other person […]
The Key to Better Relationships
In Chapter 12 of The Stories We Tell Ourselves, I wrote that it’s “absolutely possible to have a better marriage, better friendships, and better business relationships,” and not just because the reader had bought my book. Pause for a moment and consider what better business relationships would look like for you. Now consider how your […]
Is Anxiety Your Constant Companion?
When a circumstance in life isn’t working out the way you expected it to, or a relationship turns sour that you never thought would go bad, what do you feel before encountering that circumstance or relationship again? In The Stories We Tell Ourselves, I defined anxiety, in most cases, as “a refusal to accept life […]
Own Your Role.
If you’ve read The Stories We Tell Ourselves, or this blog for any length of time, you know that I tend to revisit the same themes on a consistent basis. That’s partly due to the fact that my clients tend to wrestle with the same issues over and over. It’s also why I wrote a […]
The #1 Reason You Get Frustrated
“I’m just . . . I don’t know. Frustrated.” I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve heard that expressed by my clients. That word—frustrated—reveals to me that they don’t know the real problem behind their problems. They’re frustrated because they want to see the circumstance or relationship change for the better but they don’t […]
The 90/10 Rule (Part 2)
In “The 90/10 Rule (Part 1),” I related that my dad would always tell me, “Life is ten percent what happens to you and ninety percent how you react to it.” I agree with that statement, and it’s helped me immensely as a husband, father, counselor, family member, and friend. But since beginning my practice […]
The 90/10 Rule (Part 1)
When I was growing up, my dad told me, “Life is ten percent what happens to you and ninety percent how you react to it.” What my dad was trying to tell me is that much of what happens to us in life is outside of my control, but the one thing I could control […]
3 Reasons Relationships Cause Stress.
Perhaps you’re thinking: “Just three, Scott?” Of course there are dozens more, but I believe these three central and often overlooked reasons are what most often cause stress in our relationships. 1. You can’t control other people. Try as you might—and an untold number of my clients do—you cannot control another person. You can manipulate, cajole, […]
