If you’ve read The Stories We Tell Ourselves, or this blog for any length of time, you know that I tend to revisit the same themes on a consistent basis. That’s partly due to the fact that my clients tend to wrestle with the same issues over and over. It’s also why I wrote a […]
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Do You Accept Life the Way That It Is?
In Chapter 11 of The Stories We Tell Ourselves, I wrote, “Anxiety is a refusal to accept life the way that it is rather than the way we want it to be.” Do you agree with that statement? Think of a recent event where your anxiety noticeably increased. Maybe your boss has scheduled an unexpected […]
The #1 Reason You Get Frustrated
“I’m just . . . I don’t know. Frustrated.” I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve heard that expressed by my clients. That word—frustrated—reveals to me that they don’t know the real problem behind their problems. They’re frustrated because they want to see the circumstance or relationship change for the better but they don’t […]
The 90/10 Rule (Part 2)
In “The 90/10 Rule (Part 1),” I related that my dad would always tell me, “Life is ten percent what happens to you and ninety percent how you react to it.” I agree with that statement, and it’s helped me immensely as a husband, father, counselor, family member, and friend. But since beginning my practice […]
The 90/10 Rule (Part 1)
When I was growing up, my dad told me, “Life is ten percent what happens to you and ninety percent how you react to it.” What my dad was trying to tell me is that much of what happens to us in life is outside of my control, but the one thing I could control […]
Your Marriage, Your Problems
In After the Fight, therapist Daniel B. Wile wrote, “Choosing a marriage partner is choosing a set of problems.” You don’t consciously think about this fact when you’re dating. You tend to see what you want to see. When your brain is flooded with intoxicating chemicals, your judgment can be clouded (about the other person), […]
The Mirror of Marriage
In Chapter 10 of The Stories We Tell Ourselves, I wrote, “A spouse is a mirror who shows us characteristics of ourselves we would rather not see reflected back to us on a daily basis.” For instance, a wife may choose to react with an anger outburst, rather than talk calmly through conflict with her […]
3 Reasons Relationships Cause Stress.
Perhaps you’re thinking: “Just three, Scott?” Of course there are dozens more, but I believe these three central and often overlooked reasons are what most often cause stress in our relationships. 1. You can’t control other people. Try as you might—and an untold number of my clients do—you cannot control another person. You can manipulate, cajole, […]
The Butterfly Effect of Stress
When a butterfly flaps its wings in America, does a hurricane happen in Japan? You may have heard this example before. It’s known as the butterfly effect and is used to reveal how small changes can ultimately result in large effects. Your stress level suffers from the butterfly effect. Think about it. When you’re able […]
The Main Source of Your Stress.
Sometimes, even the word itself can cause people stress. That word may bring to mind all the things in your life that are currently stressing you out: * How will I get my kids to all of their games this weekend? *How will we afford that vacation? *Did I return that call at the office? […]
