In Chapter 10 of The Stories We Tell Ourselves, I wrote, “A spouse is a mirror who shows us characteristics of ourselves we would rather not see reflected back to us on a daily basis.” For instance, a wife may choose to react with an anger outburst, rather than talk calmly through conflict with her […]
Blogs
3 Reasons Relationships Cause Stress.
Perhaps you’re thinking: “Just three, Scott?” Of course there are dozens more, but I believe these three central and often overlooked reasons are what most often cause stress in our relationships. 1. You can’t control other people. Try as you might—and an untold number of my clients do—you cannot control another person. You can manipulate, cajole, […]
The Butterfly Effect of Stress
When a butterfly flaps its wings in America, does a hurricane happen in Japan? You may have heard this example before. It’s known as the butterfly effect and is used to reveal how small changes can ultimately result in large effects. Your stress level suffers from the butterfly effect. Think about it. When you’re able […]
The Main Source of Your Stress.
Sometimes, even the word itself can cause people stress. That word may bring to mind all the things in your life that are currently stressing you out: * How will I get my kids to all of their games this weekend? *How will we afford that vacation? *Did I return that call at the office? […]
How to Fight Conflict.
Conflict is an inevitable part of any relationship. But what sets the great relationships apart from even the good relationships is the couple’s ability to handle conflict in a healthy manner. Essentially, this means that each couple understands that they’ve likely been telling themselves a made-up story about the other person that doesn’t reflect the […]
Choosing the Shift
Last week, I wrote about how in life…shift happens. Life events, whether good or bad, can change your trajectory in a second. They can significantly alter your moods, heighten your anxiety, or even give you what you always wanted. Such shifts force you to change your perspective on the world around you. But what if […]
3 Ways to Bring Out the Best Version of Yourself in 2016
I’m committed to helping my clients bring out the best in themselves. After working with clients over the past fifteen years, I’ve come to believe that there are three specific areas in your life that can help you bring out the best in yourself. 1. Take care of yourself. You may be all too aware […]
Shift Happens.
“Sometimes we choose the shift, and sometimes the shift chooses us.” I wrote that in Chapter 9 of The Stories We Tell Ourselves. What it means is that life happens. Sometimes we can be sailing as smoothly as ever, but then a typhoon appears without a moment’s notice. A car wreck. A layoff. A divorce. […]
Digest the Pain.
In Chapter 8, “The Pain of the Past,” of The Stories We Tell Ourselves, I wrote, “Devastating pain cannot be digested all at once. It must be dealt with bite by bite.” I use this kind of phrasing with my clients who have experienced deep pain and feel like they just keep re-living it over […]
Do You Act In or Act Out?
When someone refuses to digest the pain of their past, they’ll inevitably come to an emotional fork in the road. One way leads to “acting in,” the other to “acting out.” Neither option is ultimately healthy. Characteristics of “acting in” include: Depression Withdrawal Apathy Laziness Above all, “acting in” results in allowing the negative voices […]
