One of my favorite quotes about listening comes from therapist Suzanne Wallace Kaufman: “Listen to learn. Speak to be known.” When you incorporate these short, memorable commands into your daily conversations, you may witness a world of change take place in your relationships. Listening to learn means: putting aside the stories you’ve told yourself about […]
Therapists often get a bad rap for seemingly always asking, “How does that make you feel?” While there’s certainly truth to that assumption, I believe counselors the world over ask that question so often because it’s rarely ever asked of adults in any other spheres of their lives. When’s the last time you were asked […]
After listing the four-step Auxano Communication Approach© in Chapter 13 of The Stories We Tell Ourselves, I discuss a notion within relationships I’ve termed “the sliver of space.” Webster’s defines “sliver” as “a small and narrow portion.” In other words, you don’t need much, but you do need some. As I wrote in my book, […]
If you have yet to read the first three steps of the Auxano Communication Approach©, please take a moment and read my previous three posts. It’s important that each step is taken before advancing to the next. The last step toward better communication in your relationships is: Step 4: Seek more information. To most effectively […]
This week, we’ll continue and conclude the four-step Auxano Communication Approach©. As a reminder, the first two steps are: Step 1: Observe and talk about what you just noticed. Step 2: Invite the other person to hear the story you’re telling yourself. Today, we’ll look at possibly the hardest step that may demand the most […]
As the second part of a four-part series, it’s imperative that you read “The Auxano Communication Approach: Step 1” before reading any further. This approach to strengthening relationships is a four-step process that requires you to progress from one step to the next. Now, the second step of the Auxano Communication Approach© is to invite […]
Over the course of the next two weeks, I’ll share each step of the Auxano Communication Approach© in its own post. The entire approach is detailed in Chapter 13 of my book, The Stories We Tell Ourselves. In my previous post, “Your Spouse is Not Your Nemesis,” I discussed how important it is to the […]
In my counseling practice, I use a particular psychological approach that helps married couples in conflict learn how to work together against a problem instead of either spouse seeing the other as the problem—even if only one spouse is the major problem within the relationship. To do this, I encourage my clients to learn how […]
It’s a bit of a strange question. Try to take a step back from your closest relationship and view it as an outsider granted insider information. What would that outsider say in regard to how much that relationship costs you in time, money, effort, emotions, words, stress, or heartache? If this is your closest relationship, […]
If relationships are often the key ingredient to anxiety in our lives, why should we even bother with pursuing them? Why should we worry ourselves about seeking to heal broken relationships? Wouldn’t it make more emotional sense to just distance ourselves from the other person? Wouldn’t that save everyone involved from more heartache and pain? […]
Dr. R. Scott Gornto, PHD, MDIV, LMFT, EMDR holds a PhD in Psychotherapy, Psychology & Marriage and Family Therapy and is a trained psychotherapist, counselor and peak performance coach. He is a Licensed Psychotherapist (Individual, Marriage and Family in Texas and Arizona), a EMDR Trained Trauma Therapist and has extensive training in the behavioral sciences and personal development. Dr. Gornto is in private practice and has been practicing in North Texas since 1999. He works with individuals, couples, adolescents (12 yrs old and up), families, groups, entrepreneurs/leaders and businesses from Plano, Frisco, McKinney, Allen, Prosper and Dallas and the surrounding areas. Dr. Gornto is the author of The Stories We Tell Ourselves™ and is a columnist for the Huffington Post and Psychology Today.