Learning how to be aware of your internal and external responses within any given relationship is an essential aspect of being present. But like most skills—and especially those connected to our well-being—practice makes perfect. Well, not perfect, but certainly better. When I’m discussing how my clients can be more present in their relationships, I talk […]
When you’re truly engaged in a conversation with another person, do you consider both your internal and external experience? The art of being present demands such heightened awareness. To deeply engage with another person is to know how you’re reacting to them, in the moment, both internally and externally. I define these levels in Chapter […]
In “The Art of Being Present,” Chapter 13 of The Stories We Tell Ourselves, I dedicate an early portion of that chapter to discussing the overlooked importance of eye contact. I asked, “When’s the last time you made prolonged, steady, and comfortable eye contact with a loved one?” Pause for a moment and think about […]
When I first heard about Marina Abramovic’s ambitious art exhibition at the New York Museum of Modern Art, I was fascinated by her attempt at something that’s becoming increasingly rare in our always-on, ever-connected-but-seldom-connecting culture: presence. Per her website, this particular “installation” required the following from Abramovic: All day, every day, from early March until […]
As I conclude this month-long blog series on the Auxano Communication Approach©, I’ll leave you with a quote from the end of Chapter 13 of The Stories We Tell Ourselves: “Remember that the ultimate goal of these steps [the Auxano Communication Approach©] is not to gain control over the relationship, but rather to see, hear, […]
For the last month, I’ve been blogging through the latter half of “Chapter 13: Toward More Connection and Fulfillment” in my book, The Stories We Tell Ourselves. That section covers the Auxano Communication Approach©, a four-step process I devised as a practicing therapist to help my clients grow their relationships in a healthy manner. While […]
Broadly speaking, the Auxano Communication Approach© benefits people because it helps them establish and maintain healthy relationships through honest truth-seeking about a situation or a relationship. But this communication approach I suggest to all of my clients has more specific benefits too: 1. The Auxano Communication Approach© suspends defensive behavior. When you’re challenged to share […]
One of my favorite quotes about listening comes from therapist Suzanne Wallace Kaufman: “Listen to learn. Speak to be known.” When you incorporate these short, memorable commands into your daily conversations, you may witness a world of change take place in your relationships. Listening to learn means: putting aside the stories you’ve told yourself about […]
Therapists often get a bad rap for seemingly always asking, “How does that make you feel?” While there’s certainly truth to that assumption, I believe counselors the world over ask that question so often because it’s rarely ever asked of adults in any other spheres of their lives. When’s the last time you were asked […]
After listing the four-step Auxano Communication Approach© in Chapter 13 of The Stories We Tell Ourselves, I discuss a notion within relationships I’ve termed “the sliver of space.” Webster’s defines “sliver” as “a small and narrow portion.” In other words, you don’t need much, but you do need some. As I wrote in my book, […]
Dr. R. Scott Gornto, PHD, MDIV, LMFT, EMDR holds a PhD in Psychotherapy, Psychology & Marriage and Family Therapy and is a trained psychotherapist, counselor and peak performance coach. He is a Licensed Psychotherapist (Individual, Marriage and Family in Texas and Arizona), a EMDR Trained Trauma Therapist and has extensive training in the behavioral sciences and personal development. Dr. Scott is in private practice and has been practicing in North Texas since 1999. He works with individuals, couples, adolescents (12 yrs old and up), families, groups, entrepreneurs/leaders and businesses from Plano, Frisco, McKinney, Allen, Prosper and Dallas and the surrounding areas. Dr. Scott is the author of The Stories We Tell Ourselves™ and is a columnist for the Huffington Post and Psychology Today.