In the second chapter of The Stories We Tell Ourselves, I tell five client stories about how they made themselves miserable because of the lies they were (intentionally and unintentionally) telling themselves about their close relationships.
You may have been there too:
- “She’ll never forgive me.”
- “My dad doesn’t want to see me.”
- “I’m not good enough for God to love me.”
Even if you haven’t been in a place like that, it’s not hard to see how deep belief in those kinds of phrases can lead to personal misery.
For instance, David was a young man pulled between his recently divorced parents. Because his mom bad-mouthed his dad and David desired to please his mom, he believed his dad wanted nothing to do with him.
When I told David that his dad did want to be in his life and asked if David had ever directly asked his dad the many questions he had, David’s answer was honest, simple and insightful:
“How could I? I was so angry at him. I didn’t want anything to do with him. But I guess I should have gotten both sides of the story.”
In a lot of ways, we’re terrible storytellers, especially with the stories we tell ourselves that often make us miserable.
So let’s choose to discard the misery and get both sides of the story.
It’s often not as easy, but I promise that the relational reward is worth it.
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