Uncategorized

“The stories we tell ourselves about other people can be like wrapping a warm blanket around our scarred, scared heart.” That particular line from the fifth chapter of my book, The Stories We Tell Ourselves, encapsulates so much of why I believe we use imaginary stories to pacify ourselves. Our made-up stories about others help us […]

Many of our relationships rely on the stories we tell ourselves about the one percent of factual information we actually know about the other person. For instance, you might really know only four facts about your boss: she’s my boss, a single mother, and only takes fifteen minutes for lunch every day. From that scant information—likely even less […]

I remember the first time I went scuba diving. Though gearing up for the dive took some time, as soon as I plunged into the ocean, I knew the wait was worth the payoff. As the cool water engulfed me, I witnessed a very different and captivating world. At forty feet below surface level, I […]

Whether you believe it or not, your earliest experiences as a child still affect you today. That’s one of the reasons why so many therapists want to talk about your childhood and the people who raised you. How they treated you then has a direct impact on how you perceive and react to the world […]

As humans, we are innately safety-conscious. Even a child who touches a hot stove knows not to make that mistake again. When presented with a life-threatening situation, our fight-or-flight responses kick in whether we want them to or not. Our bodies and minds want to keep our bodies and minds safe. This isn’t a bad […]

It’s not uncommon for children to have imaginary friends. You may even still recall the name of your own childhood made-up friend, or your child might be in that phase right now. But if a grown adult admitted to having an imaginary friend, I imagine most people would think that person is off-kilter.  But every […]

“We need to talk.” I’m not sure if there are any other four-word combinations that are as capable as that phrase in instilling fear into the hearts and minds of both men and women. Whether it’s a spouse, friend, boss or co-worker, we don’t want to hear those four words strung together and spoken in […]

“My spouse just told me, ‘We need to talk,’ so that must mean he or she is __________.” Now, ask yourself why you chose that particular word to fill in the blank. Were you quick to complete the sentence, or did you carefully consider what could be behind those vague words? Did you think about […]

We all build protective walls around ourselves, but some of us are much better wall-builders than others. Some erect walls so thick that no one can get in—or out. But this kind of defensiveness leads to loneliness, and loneliness ultimately kills the soul. (Watch the film Murder in the First for a solid illustration of that fact.) But […]

I believe that every one of us file away dozens of stories in our minds every day. We don’t do this intentionally. It just happens. Whether the story is from a movie you just watched or an experience you just had, you place these stories in a mental filing cabinet. But the tabs on these […]