Much too often, we mentally fight against wave after wave of coulda, woulda, shouldas: I could have done more. I would have made a different choice. I should have known better. Or we look to the future and ask the positive what-ifs (What if that promotion comes through?) and the anxious what-ifs (What if she […]
Uncategorized
One Quick and Effective Tip for Better Presence
Do you ever find yourself experiencing any of these physical reactions when in conversation with another person? Quick, shallow breathing Increased heart rate Wandering eye contact Clenching your jaw Grinding your teeth Taking a step back All of these actions—which we often don’t even notice we’re doing—are sure signs that you’re not being present in […]
For Better Relationships, Increase Your Neuroplasticity
Neuroplasticity is defined as “the potential that the brain has to reorganize by creating new neural pathways to adapt, as it needs. Think of the neurological changes being made in the brain as the brain’s way of tuning itself to meet your needs.” WhatIsNeuroplasticity.com I hope those last few words catch your attention. What are […]
Be Present When You’re Present
Over the last few weeks I’ve discussed how important it is to be aware of ourselves within our relationships, and especially when talking with someone else. We must learn how to be increasingly aware of our bodies, minds, and emotions as we react to others. More often than not, the hardest part about becoming aware […]
Where Are You Most Aware?
At any moment in life, we have the ability to focus our brains and become aware of our body, mind, and/or emotions. Therapist and author Rick Carson describes this as “zones of awareness.” Depending on your DNA and upbringing, you may lean toward being aware of only one of those zones at a time. Just […]
Where Are You on the Continuum of Awareness?
Learning how to be aware of your internal and external responses within any given relationship is an essential aspect of being present. But like most skills—and especially those connected to our well-being—practice makes perfect. Well, not perfect, but certainly better. When I’m discussing how my clients can be more present in their relationships, I talk […]
Is Your Awareness Lopsided?
When you’re truly engaged in a conversation with another person, do you consider both your internal and external experience? The art of being present demands such heightened awareness. To deeply engage with another person is to know how you’re reacting to them, in the moment, both internally and externally. I define these levels in Chapter […]
Presence Begins with the Eyes
In “The Art of Being Present,” Chapter 13 of The Stories We Tell Ourselves, I dedicate an early portion of that chapter to discussing the overlooked importance of eye contact. I asked, “When’s the last time you made prolonged, steady, and comfortable eye contact with a loved one?” Pause for a moment and think about […]
Are you present?
When I first heard about Marina Abramovic’s ambitious art exhibition at the New York Museum of Modern Art, I was fascinated by her attempt at something that’s becoming increasingly rare in our always-on, ever-connected-but-seldom-connecting culture: presence. Per her website, this particular “installation” required the following from Abramovic: All day, every day, from early March until […]
Treat Others As Valuable Human Beings
As I conclude this month-long blog series on the Auxano Communication Approach©, I’ll leave you with a quote from the end of Chapter 13 of The Stories We Tell Ourselves: “Remember that the ultimate goal of these steps [the Auxano Communication Approach©] is not to gain control over the relationship, but rather to see, hear, […]
