When you’re truly engaged in a conversation with another person, do you consider both your internal and external experience? The art of being present demands such heightened awareness. To deeply engage with another person is to know how you’re reacting to them, in the moment, both internally and externally. I define these levels in Chapter […]
Blogs
Presence Begins with the Eyes
In “The Art of Being Present,” Chapter 13 of The Stories We Tell Ourselves, I dedicate an early portion of that chapter to discussing the overlooked importance of eye contact. I asked, “When’s the last time you made prolonged, steady, and comfortable eye contact with a loved one?” Pause for a moment and think about […]
Are you present?
When I first heard about Marina Abramovic’s ambitious art exhibition at the New York Museum of Modern Art, I was fascinated by her attempt at something that’s becoming increasingly rare in our always-on, ever-connected-but-seldom-connecting culture: presence. Per her website, this particular “installation” required the following from Abramovic: All day, every day, from early March until […]
Treat Others As Valuable Human Beings
As I conclude this month-long blog series on the Auxano Communication Approach©, I’ll leave you with a quote from the end of Chapter 13 of The Stories We Tell Ourselves: “Remember that the ultimate goal of these steps [the Auxano Communication Approach©] is not to gain control over the relationship, but rather to see, hear, […]
4 Simple Steps To Transforming Your Relationships
For the last month, I’ve been blogging through the latter half of “Chapter 13: Toward More Connection and Fulfillment” in my book, The Stories We Tell Ourselves. That section covers the Auxano Communication Approach©, a four-step process I devised as a practicing therapist to help my clients grow their relationships in a healthy manner. While […]
Be Seen, Be Heard In Your Relationships
Broadly speaking, the Auxano Communication Approach© benefits people because it helps them establish and maintain healthy relationships through honest truth-seeking about a situation or a relationship. But this communication approach I suggest to all of my clients has more specific benefits too: 1. The Auxano Communication Approach© suspends defensive behavior. When you’re challenged to share […]
Listen to Learn. Speak to be Known.
One of my favorite quotes about listening comes from therapist Suzanne Wallace Kaufman: “Listen to learn. Speak to be known.” When you incorporate these short, memorable commands into your daily conversations, you may witness a world of change take place in your relationships. Listening to learn means: putting aside the stories you’ve told yourself about […]
How Large is Your Feeling Vocabulary?
Therapists often get a bad rap for seemingly always asking, “How does that make you feel?” While there’s certainly truth to that assumption, I believe counselors the world over ask that question so often because it’s rarely ever asked of adults in any other spheres of their lives. When’s the last time you were asked […]
Why Your Relationships Need a Sliver of Space
After listing the four-step Auxano Communication Approach© in Chapter 13 of The Stories We Tell Ourselves, I discuss a notion within relationships I’ve termed “the sliver of space.” Webster’s defines “sliver” as “a small and narrow portion.” In other words, you don’t need much, but you do need some. As I wrote in my book, […]
The Auxano Approach to Communication: Step 4
If you have yet to read the first three steps of the Auxano Communication Approach©, please take a moment and read my previous three posts. It’s important that each step is taken before advancing to the next. The last step toward better communication in your relationships is: Step 4: Seek more information. To most effectively […]
