In my previous post, I discussed how your mind tends to travel down the path of least resistance when you encounter a troubling problem or difficult person. More often than not, this path leads directly back to your childhood and how your primary caregivers (i.e. the people who raised you) modeled life for you.
But when you enter into a committed relationship with another person, you begin to witness the vast differences between your own path of least resistance and theirs. Seldom do these paths converge while going in the same direction. More often, the paths collide as one person heads in the exact opposite direction as the other. This is where some of the deepest of marital conflicts begin.
That’s why this particular post is an exercise for the married and brave. Before commencing with it, you need to steel yourself to hear the truth from your spouse. You need to likewise be prepared to be vulnerable with him or her.
Although this short exercise could result in frustration in the moment, it’s not meant to drive a wedge between you and your spouse. Rather, it’s meant to begin a dialog that I believe will help both of you learn more about each other and, even better, learn more about each other’s family history and how that may still affect your relationship today.
You only have to answer two questions, but take your time to really consider and discuss your answers with each other:
1. What are three basic ways you grew up differently from your spouse?
(e.g. urban vs. rural, affluent vs. in need, big family vs. small family, etc.)
2. How have any of those differences caused stress in your marriage?
Be honest, be open, and listen well.
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