When something bad happens in your life, what’s your first inclination?
Do you want to eat something?
Or do you want to call your mom or dad?
Do you want to go into your room, shut the door, and pretend the unfortunate circumstance didn’t happen?
Or does your anger burn against the entity responsible for the event?
There are likely as many different ways to cope with life’s problems as there are people on this earth. I call these coping mechanisms handles that people are prone to grab when times are tough.
Even though thousands of handles exist, there’s one that most of us reach for on a consistent basis: the handle of control. In other words, we think we can handle what life has presented to us. In fact, sometimes we’re so confident—some may say arrogant—that we can deal with life’s unexpected circumstances or challenging relationships on our own that we attempt to fix the situation by manipulating others for our own personal gain.
But there’s a fascinating irony with regard to people who consistently grab for the handle of control: those who cannot control themselves control other people.
In other words, because they can’t see where they might be wrong and need to change, they seek to let others know where they’re wrong and where they need to change.
Yet the crux of the matter is this brutal truth: the only person you can change—the only person you can ever truly control—is yourself.
So the next time you reach for the handle of control, realize that that handle isn’t connected to the relationship or circumstance outside of you.
It’s only and always connected solely to you.
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