When you’re truly engaged in a conversation with another person, do you consider both your internal and external experience?
The art of being present demands such heightened awareness. To deeply engage with another person is to know how you’re reacting to them, in the moment, both internally and externally.
I define these levels in Chapter 14 of The Stories We Tell Ourselves:
External awareness means focusing on your surrounding environment, i.e., what’s going on outside of your physical body.
Internal awareness means focusing on what’s going on within you, i.e., your mental, emotional, or physical reaction to the present situation.
Once you begin to develop an awareness of yourself while being present with another person, you may find that you’re lopsided.
Maybe you’re all too aware of externals. Maybe you’re more aware of internals. Sometimes this occurs as a result of your personality (introvert vs. extrovert, for example), and sometimes this happens because of the conversation, the other person, or just the kind of day you’ve had.
Don’t worry though: most people tend to be lopsided.
However, one of the keys to being fully present with someone else is to learn how to balance your internal and external awareness.
The next time you’re in an engaging conversation with someone else, try to assess both your internal and external awareness levels. Then you’ll know what you can work on for the next conversation.
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