“My spouse just told me, ‘We need to talk,’ so that must mean he or she is __________.”
Now, ask yourself why you chose that particular word to fill in the blank.
Were you quick to complete the sentence, or did you carefully consider what could be behind those vague words?
Did you think about what happened after the last time you were told, “We need to talk”?
What information did you use to come up with that particular adjective to describe your spouse?
The truth is, more often than not, we don’t actually use real information when we fill in those kinds of blanks. Rather, the stories we tell ourselves about that person tend to automatically fill in the blanks for us.
When we make assumptions about their motivations and “that talk” finally occurs, our assumptions often put more stress on ourselves and on the relationship—especially because our assumptions are often false. Our made-up stories may make us feel better for a time, but they seldom serve the relationship in a healthy way.
What we ought to do is allow the other person to fill in their own blanks.
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