It is extremely important to observe, become aware, and understand how our parents impacted our brain during the developmental years. It is also important to feel our feelings related to what we needed and didn’t get emotionally from our parents. It is equally important to get to a point where we stop blaming our parents and take responsibility for our lives, feelings, thoughts, and behaviors.
Validating our feelings about our childhood and experiencing rightful anger at our parents are both important steps in the healing process. But we can’t stop there. We must get beyond the anger at our parents (this does mean “let it go” or simply “move on” or even “forgiveness). This means we try to find value in understanding our parents, their wounds, and look at ways we can prevent similar patterns in our own lives. We look for ways we can grow and not become trapped in repetitive relationship cycles in the next generation. If we continue to blame our parents and carry anger, it not only impacts our relationship with our parent(s), but it might affect our relationships with our intimate partners or our children.
When we take responsibility for our own lives and make a decision to break the cycle of family trauma, we foster a healthy and whole future for our own families. As we develop more compassion for our parents, it teaches us to be more compassionate individuals towards our partners, our friends, and co-workers as well. We begin to see others’ frailties and recognize their broken attempts to care for us, and we learn to love more fully and be more open to healing in our relationships. This can be one of the hardest tasks of our lives to accomplish – and it may require professional help – letting go of blame for our parents. But it can also be freeing at the same time.