Growing Up

Back in Spring of 2012, after 15 years of research and practice, I developed an approach to relationships called the Auxano Approach®. Auxano is a Greek word that means “to cause to grow, increase, or grow up.”  I believe that relationships, and marriage in particular, cause us to “grow up” emotionally. In fact, I say in my workshops that “Marriage is an Invitation to Grow Up ®.”

Marriage has a way of highlighting areas of our life that we don’t want to look at— unhealthy emotional behaviors or areas of our lives that need growth or development. Our families of origin (people who raised us) helped us begin our  journey to becoming adults, but all of us have areas where we’re underdeveloped. In fact, it’s not uncommon for human beings to be one age chronologically and another age emotionally. I’ve worked with many individuals who are in their 50s or 60s who still emotionally function like they are in their teens or 20s.  Marriage and relationships have a way of shining a spotlight on areas where we need to “grow up.”

For example, I often hear clients say, “I need to be more assertive,”  “I have a hard time saying no,”  “I don’t know how to stand up for myself,” or “I let anger control me.” These are perfect examples of areas where growth is needed—areas we may not be aware of until they are revealed through marriage.  As a friend once said to me, “We are the healthiest people in the world until we get into a committed relationship and then all our issues come out.”

The Auxano Approach® teaches us to look at the areas of our life that require growth or growing up. Sometimes the process can be challenging—but the reward is happiness and more fulfillment in marriage and relationships.

R. Scott Gornto