Do You Struggle With Insecurity?

Brené Brown is a professor at the University of Houston and nationally renowned for her work on connection, vulnerability and shame. She states that emotionally committed relationships require four steps:

1. Connection
2. Vulnerability
3. Risk
4. Sense of Love and Belonging

In order to gain connection (one of our greatest human needs) you must be willing to be vulnerable, meaning that you must be willing to put yourself out there and take a risk. And in order to risk, you must have a healthy sense of love and belonging—the foundation of really connecting with someone else. This is where it all starts. Having a healthy sense of love and beloning means that you have a strong sense of self, self-belief or self-acceptance. Brené Brown states, “The difference with those who have a strong sense of love and belonging is that they simply believe they are worthy of love and belonging.”

Having worked with clients since 1998, I now find it fairly easy to spot folks who are good at connecting with others, since they share several qualities: openness, authenticity, humility, and an acceptance of themselves, both their good and bad qualities. They are comfortable in their own skin, meaning that although they continue to grow and improve themselves, they are able to be present, emotionally and mentally, without being held back by negative self-talk, insecurity or shame. There is no need for them to gain value from getting the upper hand by attempting to make themselves more important—through their job, income, or physical appearance. They simply have the courage to be imperfect.

This week I invite you to consider this question: Do you believe that you are worthy of love and belonging?
Here are a few tips that may help you continue your journey of self acceptance:

1. Write down one thing, such as a story or event in your life, that you allow to get in the way of feeling a sense of love and belonging.

2. Consider your self talk. What do you say to yourself about your success, appearance, personality, etc? Write down what you say to yourself.

3. Make a choice to notice the negative self talk and gently start replacing it with positive self talk.

R. Scott Gornto